Negative idioms in American English

"No" is a good way to stop a conversation.

Negative idioms in American English

Everyone knows the word “no” but not always the power of the word to form impressions in other people. Monday morning you ask your co-worker “Did you do anything special this weekend?” Your colleague is tired and irritable and simply says “No.” This reply is considered curt (very brief) or brusque (insensitive)

You ask someone in the break room, “Did you do anything special this weekend?”, and they answer “Not especially, we just relaxed. What about you? Did you do anything special?” The second response appears kinder, friendlier, and more interested in conversation.

Answering a question simply “no” is perfectly acceptable and expected when you are being questioned by a prosecutor in court who requires you to confine your answers to the affirmative or negative. If you have an emergency and have to call 911, the operator will ask you “yes or no” questions to get facts more quickly. We associate monosyllabic (one syllable) answers with emergencies or hostile people unwilling to converse. If the emergency is not evident or obvious, we assume people answering this way do not wish to speak with us or have nothing to say. Or maybe the person who answers with a single word is depressed?

Saying no is like a stop sign for further communication. If you must answer a question in the negative, what are some better ways? “Do you want a cigar?” “No, thank you” is a lot more polite and gracious than a simple “no.” By expressing thanks, we recognize the generosity shown by the person making the offer, helping them to feel good about themselves. Another answer could be, “No thank you, but I remember as a child that might grandfather smoked them.” Other situations call for different answers: “No thank you, I don’t care for one myself but please feel free to light one up for yourself.” Someone with severe allergies might answer, “No thank you. In fact, if anyone smokes I will have to say my goodbyes now because of my allergy.”

Less gracious ways of saying no include “I’ll pass” and “I’ll take a rain check.” Both of these expressions can sound like you think the offer is of dubious value. A rain check used to be given out at baseball games when rain stopped the game. With the ticket you could get in when the game resumed, but you were “owed” the balance of the game; it was not an act of generosity by the ball park. “I’ll pass” is an expression from cards and other games when a player has the option of taking no action, such as betting, taking new cards, etc. Again, no generosity is involved so none is implied by saying “I’ll pass.” Using these forms of refusal can sound sarcastic or critical of whatever is being offered.

Saying no gracefully requires thoughtfulness, diplomacy, and tact, as well as some empathy for the other person. When offered an expensive cigar, another answer could be “Thank you for the generous offer since I’m sure you only have the best cigars. However, I am not a cigar smoker so I must decline your invitation.”

What can you say if someone invites you to a party you don’t especially want to attend?

Just plain no? Or, “I’ll pass,” or “I’ll take a rain check?”

These responses show that you are not interested in future invitations, even in the case of the rain check. If you want to get more invitations, a better way to reply is, “How thoughtful of you to think of me! I am glad that you included me but I have already made a commitment, so I’m sorry I can’t make it this time. Thanks for the invitation!” The commitment you had already made was to do something besides go to the party at that time. Maybe at another time, you will want to accept, but if you don’t answer graciously you might not even get an invitation next time. 

So, the next time you have to answer negatively, thinking about the message you are sending.