More American “No” idioms.

More American “No” idioms.

My previous blog on different ways of saying “no” using natural American expressions generated some great comments. One reader asked me to write about the popular expressions “no problem” and “no worries.” The reader pointed out a “pet peeve” (personal annoyance) about the phrase “no problem” used instead of the more courteous and formal response, “you’re welcome.” The traditional American response to “thank you” is “you’re welcome.” These days, though, if I thank a waiter for binging me water, he will likely respond “no problem” instead of “you’re welcome.” Traditionalists argue that my request for a glass of water does not make a problem for the waiter. When I thank the waiter, he does not need to re-assure me that I have caused “no problem.” After all, bringing customers water and food is his job.

More subtly, “no problem” does not acknowledge the courtesy of the person doing the thanking, like saying you’re welcome does. Saying you’re welcome is much more socially intelligent because you recognize that people don’t have to say thank you and that they are going out of their way to be gracious and polite. The reply should acknowledge and reciprocate the gracious gesture. Responding with “no problem” does neither of these. Instead, the phrase is self-centered and makes it sound like a big favor has been done.

If someone steps on my toe accidentally, then says “I am very sorry to step on your toe” then I might answer “no problem.” If someone says “thank you,” however, I will answer with “you’re welcome.” When the waiter brings food or water, many people don’t even say thank you since it is not a personal favor. I like to say thank you, because it acknowledges the humanity of the server. By saying “you’re welcome” the server acknowledges my humanity. But if the server says “no problem” instead, I think to myself sarcastically, “well I hope it was not too much trouble to bring me water, and I am glad to know my request did not cause you any personal problem…”

This is my personal practice but I am somewhat old fashioned, not to mention just somewhat old. In the U.S., though, “no problem” has almost completely surpassed “you’re welcome” as the most common reply to “thank you.”

Around the same time as “no problem” started taking over American conversation, we imported a similar phrase from Australia: “no worries.” To me this means the same as no problem. In other words, instead of saying “you’re welcome” the speaker is telling me not to worry about any problem or difficulty I have caused by saying “thank you.” Here in the Silicon Valley, I will guess that "no problem" is more common than "no worries," but everyone expects to hear one or the other from servers or salesclerks.

Languages constantly change, so maybe these expressions will completely replace the traditional formula “thank you—you’re welcome.”  After all the traditional expression no doubt replaced some earlier courteous form of speech. I will be slow to adopt these new phrases because they sound self-centered to me,. By saying “you’re welcome” I signal that I know the other person is not required to say thank you but does so anyway, to show courtesy.  The new expressions basically ignore the courtesy of the thankful expression. Instead they express a more selfish view of the interaction.

Secondly, simply the word “no” is so powerful, I hesitate to use it in friendly, casual speech. As the expression of negativity, the word "no" powerfully impacts our subconscious. You can prove this to yourself easily. Simply sat the words "no" and "yes" out loud a few times. Of course yes sounds positive and no sounds negative. Think about it. Do you want to sound negative or positive?  Even though “no problem” is supposed to sound positive, having the word "no" embedded in it sabotages any positive message.

Thirdly, negative expressions do not usually start with “no” in everyday life. Negation usually occurs with the verb: “Do you want some bananas?” “Thank you, I don’t want any bananas.” Starting a sentence with “no” is used for emphasis. “I really want you to take these bananas!” “No, I don’t want to take any bananas.” This sentence already includes one negative (don’t), and then we add another at the beginning to ensure there is no doubt, to emphasize the negation beyond question.

Using newer expressions like “no problem” sounds kind of hip and modern, but realize that these phrases are slang. They may include subconscious meanings that you do not intend, or is even contrary to your intention. “You’re welcome” is tried and true, and works for everyone, from our family to the queen of England. If you feel especially enthusiastic, you can say “you’re very welcome!”